I can finally see the light
Some days it’s really bright. Other days, not so much. Don’t get me wrong. Life is good. Really good. But sometimes getting to GOOD is HARD.
I am: happy.content.blessed.fortunate.rich beyond measure.
I’m also: exhausted.lonely.processing.treading water.
If ya’ll hadn’t noticed….I’d taken a break from blogging. I needed time. Time to just be. To take in what I have been given. To realize what it is I want to do in response to these blessings. Time to come to terms with the wonderful and sometimes tough realities of adoption. Time to realize the reality of having 4 kids. Time to keep my family afloat. Time to survive.
I’m tired of just “surviving”.
I’m ready to LIVE.THRIVE.GIVE
There is a whole lot I probably won’t go into in this type of forum. I have a lot of thoughts on how differently people perceive the addition of a child through adoption vs. birth. I know how, in future situations, I will support those around me who go through this exciting adventure. In many ways it is harder to assimilate an adopted child into a family. Just because, as the mother, you didn’t actually, physically give birth to the child, there is just as much chance for depression, exhaustion, and feeling like you might just drown in the midst of your situation.
I’ve struggled with thinking, “You decided to have 4 kids, You decided to adopt” but I keep coming back to the truth that God designed this for my family long before we came to be a family. I’ve struggled with asking for help because of this very thought pattern of “you got yourself in this. Now buck up and get to work”.
Adopting has been the single most impacting experience in my entire life. Our sweet girl has had our hearts since the moment we laid eyes on her. She transitioned into our family beautifully and is truly thriving. Praise God.
It’s more the 4 kids that has kicked my butt kept me on my toes.
Hope to be back…plan to be…but I’ve learned that what I plan and what I actually have energy to do at the end of the day don’t always match up. Once again…reality,
I’ll leave you with some updated pics of my preciousness…
6 comments:
I thought you said you were going to bed ;)
Laura...I love you and I am praying you through this! I have definately learned that the adoption process is such a different journey for each family going through it. It's so easy to look at you and your beautiful family and see how blessed you are (and I know you see that too) but sometimes I forget that through that joy there is still struggles and pain. Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your story with me when I stayed with you a few weeks ago. Although the busy-ness was no surprise to me after growing up with four brothers...I look at it with mom eyes now and I understand (in theory).
Ok...enough rambling...just know I love you and call me anytime you need a break =)
Of course you are struggling! That's normal!
I would love to hear what you have learned a long the way about the differences, so that I can learn from your experience.
It's OK to say it's exhausting, because it is.
It's OK to admit it alters life as you knew it, because it does.
It's OK to admit that you mourn for and miss the pattern your life had before this, because you loved that life, too.
That is not the same as saying you aren't in love with your life and choices, right now. You know that you are deeply in love with your family.
You'll find your new rhythm and the beat will change, yet again. Life is like that. Good thing you're a wonderful musician and a skilled sight-reader...and excellent mother.
I also think that coming out of the dark and into the light where everyone can see those struggles, the reality, the pain and the difficulties along with the simply amazing beauty of adding a child to the family - That helps people in process too. I know when we were waiting I didn't hear much about how hard it may be once we were home... how MY feelings would impact the whole crew... or how difficult and different it is parenting adopted children who come in with a whole new bag of tricks. Its great to share the reality with those who go after us, so that maybe by seeing our experiences they can be better prepared! Blessings, girl... it gets better!
I heart your heart, Laura. You are an incredibly awesome person!
Heather K
Right there with you, my friend! (And yes, I'd noticed you took a break. :-) )Amy
So happy you are back!
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